Introduction to a Biblical Understanding of Shame

  • Shame is an emotion given by God, but greatly misunderstood, and capable of causing extreme pain.
  • It is vitally important that we understand where it comes from, what it signals, and what a church can do to heal the shame of the broken.

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Goal

  • To get an overview of what the Bible tells us about shame and how to deal with it.

Introduction to a Biblical Understanding of Shame

  1. Where it all began
  2. Guilt vs. Shame
  3. Undoing our Shame

1. Where it all began

Genesis 2

  1. …the LORD God… made a woman and brought her to the man.
  2. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…”
  3. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
  4. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Genesis 3

  1. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
  2. And they heard the sound of the LORD God… and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.
  3. But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”
  4. And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”
  5. He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”
  • Why ashamed—there were only 2 of them, they had perfect bodies and were married!
  • Physical shame was just a symptom of feeling exposed
    • When we have done something wrong, we want to hide
  • They were not actually naked now because they had made loin-cloths from fig-leaves
  • What we have next gives us a huge insight:

Genesis 3

  1. And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.
  • God could have used wool, or flax, but he sacrificed animals. Why?
    • It was a picture of how their shame would ultimately be removed, by being carried by Jesus

2. Guilt vs. Shame

  • Through history, and in the Bible, shame has always been how we feel our community is regarding us.
  • In ancient societies (and still most today, how that society views you is very important
  • If you are seen as of value, you will be looked after well
  • If you do something that is antisocial, you will lose status
  • God has provided us with pain nerves, that are very important for telling us something is wrong
  • We quickly learn what is socially acceptable
  • People who don’t are called shameless!
  • Just like physical pain can be very useful, but sometimes very problematic
    • So shame can go wrong and become toxic
  • However here in North America, we live in a highly individualistic culture
  • This has led to odd definitions of shame that are totally individualistic
  • e.g. Brene Brown (note she has refined this now)

False definition:

  • Guilt: I have done something wrong
  • Shame: There is something wrong with me
    (community is not even mentioned)
  • Another problem with this defn: You may know that nothing is wrong with you, but get still get shamed by the community

Guilt vs Shame

  • Guilt: I have done something wrong.
    • Source: God-given conscience
  • Harsh Inner Critic: You are a loser. Something is wrong with you!
    • Could also be called “false guilt”
    • Source: ultimately Satan is the false-accuser (Col 2:15–23)
  • Shame: My community have lost respect for me. I have gone down in their estimation
    • Source: God-given sensitively to those around us
    • But sometimes Inner Critic will use it to beat us up
  • Opposite to shame is honor

Response to Guilt & Shame

  • Guilt: I have done something wrong.
    • Action: ask forgiveness, make reparation/payment
    • Wrong Action: blame, denial, excuses
  • Harsh Inner Critic: You are a loser. Something is wrong with you!
    • Wrong Action: constant self-criticism, depression, futile attempts to improve, numb with drugs/distractions
    • Action: Receive God’s love, compassion & acceptance
  • Shame: My community have lost respect for me. I have gone down in their estimation
    • Wrong Action: Hide
      try and regain honour & standing
      numb with drugs/distractions
    • Action: Reflect on your values?
      Stop doing bad things, if that’s the problem
      Make status before God above everything else.
      Is this the community for you?

Hebrews 12

  1. looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,
    who for the joy that was set before him
    endured the cross, despising the shame,
    and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
  • We usually live in several communities, (work, home, church, etc.)
  • Shame in one group and glory in another!

Acts 5

  1. and when they had called in the apostles, they beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go.
  2. And they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name.
  3. And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ.

1 Peter 4

  1. But rejoice in the degree that you have shared in the sufferings of Christ, so that when his glory is revealed you may also rejoice and be glad.
  2. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory, who is the Spirit of God, rests on you.
  3. But if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but glorify God that you bear such a name.

3. Undoing our Shame

Undoing Shame

  1. In the life of Jesus
  2. In our status before God
  3. Right now in God’s church community
  • Note that one of the Greek words used in the Bible for honor or shame can also be used for monetary value.
    • To shame someone is to devalue them, to honor them is to give them value

1. Jesus: If you have honor, you can give it.

Luke 8

  1. And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone.
  2. She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased.
  3. And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” When all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!”…
  4. And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed.
  5. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”
  • You are my daughter! I am giving you some of my honour!

Mark 14

  1. And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head.
  2. There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that?
  3. For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” And they scolded her.
  4. But Jesus said, “Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me.
  5. For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have me.
  6. She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burial.
  7. And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.”
  • Did Jesus replace her shame with honour? Wow!
  • Peter, after the betrayal

John 21

  1. That disciple whom Jesus loved therefore said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea.
  2. …“Simon, son of John, do you love me? ”
    “Yes, Lord,” he said to him, “you know that I love you.”
    “Shepherd my sheep,” he told him.

2. Honor before God and in the Spiritual realm

  • Parable of the lost son: Luke 15:22–23
    “I’m no longer worthy to be called your son.”
    “Quick! Bring out the best robe and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then bring the fattened calf and slaughter it, and let’s celebrate with a feast”

Hebrews 2

  1. But we do see Jesus ​— ​made lower than the angels for a short time
    so that by God’s grace he might taste death for everyone
    ​​crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death…
  2. For the one who makes holy and those who are being made holy all have one Father.
    That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters
  • Another similar passage about being joined with Jesus in his honour:

Eph 1 —Honoured with Jesus

  1. having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,
  2. and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might
  3. that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places,
  4. far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.

Eph 2 —Honoured with Jesus

  1. He also raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavens in Christ Jesus

3. Honour in the Christian Community

James 2

  1. For if someone comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and a poor person dressed in filthy clothes also comes in,
  2. if you look with favor on the one wearing the fine clothes and say, “Sit here in a good place,”
    and yet you say to the poor person, “Stand over there,” or “Sit here on the floor by my footstool,”
  3. haven’t you made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
  4. Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Didn’t God choose the poor in this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom that he has promised to those who love him?
  5. Yet you have dishonored the poor.
  • 1 Cor 11 – love feasts. Each person ate their own food. Some had almost nothing and were ashamed!

1 Corinthians 13

  1. Love is patient, love is kind.
    It does not envy, it does not boast,
    it is not proud.
  2. It does not dishonor others,
    it is not self-seeking
  • listening, valuing
  • love one another, raising them up

Healing from Shame in the Christian Community

  • We know we are valued because
  • People take time to listen to us
  • They care about us
  • They treat us as if we have value

Philippians 2

  1. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
  2. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
  3. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,
  4. who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,
  5. but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.
  6. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
  7. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name,

ESV

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